During my second year at the academy, I had finally managed to convey to her the feelings I had held on to for many years, but shortly thereafter, the graduation ceremony, the beginning of her work at the Ministry, and all the other related events seemed to have wiped my words straight out of her memory, much to my dismay.
I was at a disadvantage anyway. The only way to make my feelings clear to someone as unfamiliar with and uninterested in romance as Katarina would be to relentlessly make advances on her, just as Jeord did. Unfortunately, I wasn’t very comfortable doing that kind of thing.
Currently, however, Katarina must have had bigger things on her mind. Since she had joined the Ministry, she had clearly been worried about something—she was trying to hide it, but it was painfully obvious. I remembered that she had seemed worried in a similar way before starting her time at the academy, so it was possible that her recent woes were of a similar kind. I wished I knew more, but considering how she had dodged my questions, she probably wanted to keep the details for herself.
That being said, looking at her terrified expression was enough to tell how serious she was about being scared of hurting others with Dark Magic. As for me, I couldn’t ever imagine Katarina hurting anyone or anything, with Dark Magic or without. I had comforted her about that fact in the past too, but her fear, which must have been truly intense, apparently had not completely subsided. This fear was probably motivated by something that she was hiding from me.
As much as I wished for her to disclose this secret, I wondered whether she ever would. Even now, as she worked for the Ministry, her engagement with Jeord still stood. She was eighteen this year too—old enough to marry. I wanted to be by her side for the rest of my life, but I wasn’t sure whether I would be able to. If Katarina did end up marrying Jeord, I would have to marry someone else as the future head of the Claes family.
Mother is opposed to her marriage, saying that she could never be a royal, but I don’t know what father thinks. I am too scared to ask him and hear an answer that I might not like.
Thinking of these serious issues had finally made the blushing subside. My relief, however, was soon interrupted by the sound of knocking on the door.
“Lord Keith, the master has summoned you,” I heard a servant say from outside. It was not without a hint of nervousness, given what I was just thinking about, that I left my room and headed toward father’s office.
I knocked on the door.
“Father, it’s me, Keith.”
“Sorry to bother you. Come in,” he greeted me in a lively tone. I entered to find him behind his desk, looking at papers.
When I graduated from the academy, father started teaching me about his work, and I soon learned that there was always plenty to do. This was no problem for him though, as he was as sharp in his work as he looked dull when resting. It was no wonder that people held him in such high respect.
“I know it’s late, but I have a favor to ask you. I finally received these documents which I’ll need to use tomorrow. I’ve already read through them, but I’d like you to do the same before the end of the day, just in case,” he explained, handing me a hefty stack of paper. I was impressed by the fact that he had already read and understood this much material in so little time, and I thought that I had to show myself worthy and do the same.
I started to walk out so that I could carefully read the documents in my room, but father called out to me. “By the way, I heard that you lent your shoulder to Katarina again.”
The surprise at learning how he already knew about what had happened hit me at the same time as the fear that he may have also known about how she had hugged me. Father was an intelligent and rational person, but when it came to his wife and daughter he often let his emotions take control.
“I only listened to her worries as she seemed somewhat tired. I have not done much,” I carefully responded.
“No, you have. Your support means a lot for Katarina, especially now that she is working. Thank you, Keith,” he replied with a smile.
“Incidentally, father, how are you planning to deal with Katarina’s engagement?”
The words just slipped out of my mouth! Hearing him talk about Katarina and her work compelled me to ask him that… What if he tells me that he wants her to marry the prince as soon as possible?
He cocked his head and briefly considered what to say, just as I was contemplating running away before hearing the answer to the question I myself had asked. “I think I will not interfere with her decision, whatever that is. If she wants to cancel the engagement, she is free to do so,” he stated.
I was utterly shocked, as this was the answer I least expected. As much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t refrain from asking father another question: “But is the engagement to a royal not a very important issue?”
“Not really. The Claes family is in no dire need for that political connection, and the current king, unlike his predecessor, is not the kind of person to hold a grudge over such trivialities.”
“But when Katarina was first engaged to the prince, you seemed to be particularly enthusiastic about that fact,” I observed, aware of how bewildered my expression must have looked.
“Of course,” father answered, failing to notice my confusion, “because your sister seemed to be very fond of him at the time. I would say that those feelings look as if they have faded over time however.” That reasoning was so typical of him that I was almost disappointed at myself for worrying.
“Still, I worry that canceling the engagement would hurt her reputation,” I added, not sure why I would ever say something like that despite how much I wanted for her to be released from Jeord. I must have been so surprised by father’s nonchalance that I started speaking the opinion of the masses.
“That makes sense, yes, but nowadays canceling an old engagement to marry for love is not that uncommon anymore. The king’s marriage was not a political one either. And then there is the chancellor… That story has been almost forgotten, but he married a woman who was already engaged to someone else. It was quite the scandal back then,” he revealed.
I had met the chancellor, Nicol’s father, a few times, but he always struck me as a meek, calm person. I couldn’t imagine him stealing another man’s fiancée.
“And, well, that applies to me too. I am bound to someone I love, and I wish the same for my daughter,” he concluded, smiling. After worrying for so many years about what his plans were for Katarina’s marriage, hearing his casual answer had left me dumbfounded. Father then looked me in the eye and spoke again. “And for my son too of course.”
Somehow, his words set my heart aflame. It had now been close to ten years since I had first become part of the Claes family, and this household had made me happier than I could ever have expected. During all that time, not once had I been pressured into finding a spouse for political reasons.
“Thank you, father,” I responded, ready to leave with my heart finally at peace.
“Oh, just so you know,” he stopped me, “whoever Katarina falls in love with, he will have my blessing. You have nothing to worry about.” He waved his hand, showing me a mischievous grin.
I left, hardly believing what I had just heard.
If I am to take that at face value, he knows of my feelings for her. Sure, I kind of expected that someone as smart as he would figure it out, unlike Katarina and mother, who are…not as smart. But hearing it like that, from his own mouth, makes me nervous. Then again, that also means that I don’t need to give up on her.
So far, I had assumed that Katarina, forced to go through with her engagement, was eventually going to marry Jeord, and that all I could do was to come to terms with that reality. After voicing my questions to father, however, I came to believe that there still was a chance to make her my wife, as long as I could win her heart over. After imagining that happiest of futures, the one where she stood by my side, I couldn’t give up anymore even if I wanted to.
And I will not give up, I thought, feeling my lips curl into a smile.
Work was waiting for me the next day, but I already knew that my brain would not let me get any sleep until morning.