Life went on as usual at the Magical Ministry (the only notable change was that Maria had started taking self-defense lessons from Cyrus), and very soon it was time for Cyrus to go to the orphanage again to deliver his vegetables. He told me that he didn’t need any help, since the quantity wasn’t as great as last time, but I insisted on going with him, because I wanted to know what Liam had been up to.
This time, since it was only going to be the two of us, going to the orphanage wouldn’t be that big of a deal…or so I thought.
“What’s this? It was supposed to just be the two of us this time around!” Cyrus asked me, lowering his voice.
“W-Well, you see…”
I hadn’t told him about it, but Keith had somehow managed to learn that I was going to the orphanage through the Claes family’s powerful information network, and decided that he would come along too. Mother, as usual, agreed with him that it was better not to let me go by myself. Of course, being alongside my brother made me feel safer too, so I didn’t mind that much. I only wondered if it was fine to have him come with me on his free days so often, considering how busy he usually was, but according to him, that wasn’t a problem at all.
Then, for reasons that I really had no idea about, Jeord had somehow managed to find out about the whole thing and joined the expedition. I was honestly, genuinely stunned. He just casually turned up uninvited, got on the carriage, told me good morning, and started chatting as if it was the most natural thing in the world. So I gave up and stopped trying to think about it.
Jeord is just mysterious like that…
And that’s why, this time, it would be me, Cyrus, Keith, and Jeord going to the orphanage. At first, Cyrus complained about how this was different from his plans, but since at least he didn’t have to be around girls like last time, he quickly figured that it didn’t matter all that much. Since there were only four of us, we all fit inside a single carriage, and loading the vegetables didn’t take much time either. Once that was done, we started riding to the orphanage for the second time in a few days.
“You must forgive me, but I really must voice my surprise at the extent of your information network,” Keith told Jeord once we were seated on the carriage. “How did you come to know of today’s outing?”
My brother’s voice sounded somewhat harsh as he talked to the prince. During the trip from Claes Manor to the Magical Ministry, Jeord’s sudden appearance still had us so surprised that he was in total control of the conversation, and Keith hadn’t managed to ask him about that yet. To be honest, I was wondering the same thing.
“Information network? Oh, Keith, it is only through my love for Katarina that I was able to find this out. One look at her was enough to make me realize that she was probably going to the orphanage again on her next free day. All I had to do was to check when her next free day was going to be and wait in front of Claes Manor in the morning.”
He read me like a book! He’s incredible!
“You are probably trying to make it sound romantic, but what you are doing here is stalking, which is a crime.”
“Please, do not use such words to describe the pure love I have for my fiancée.”
“She may be your fiancée now, yes. But not for long.”
“I must agree with you. She will soon cease to be my fiancée and turn into my wife.”
“That is definitely not what I meant.”
“You may also call me Big Brother if you so desire, Keith.”
“I have absolutely no intention or plan of calling you that. Just so you know.”
Keith and Jeord always looked like they were having so much fun chatting—since they were kids, their back-and-forths were always so quick and intense. Being so busy as of late, they hadn’t had many chances to talk to each other like this, so I decided not to intrude, and spoke with Cyrus instead.
“Has there been any news from the orphanage?” I asked him. I thought it’d be uncouth to ask him directly about Liam.
“Are you talking about that kid who was running away? Since you looked so worried, I asked about him in a letter, and they told me that he’s been behaving since we last met,” Cyrus replied, immediately guessing what I was getting at.
“Oh, I see. Thank you for doing that.”
I was relieved to know that he hadn’t tried escaping again, and I hoped that I would have the chance to talk to him once more when I reached the orphanage.
“I must say though, you’re a really weird girl. Why’d you take so much interest in a kid you’ve only met once?”
“He just looked like he needed someone to watch over him… I thought that it’d be dangerous to leave him alone,” I replied, thinking that what I was doing wasn’t particularly weird. I wasn’t sure exactly how or why leaving Liam to his own devices would be dangerous, but I just couldn’t shake off the feeling.
“You know,” Cyrus replied, chuckling, “Maria’s description of you was really on point. Oh, everything she says about you she means as a compliment, of course. She really, really likes you. You’re the only topic she’s ever talking about.”
“I see… Oh, lately you’ve had more chances to be alone with her, right? Since you’ve been teaching her self-defense. Were you able to make any progress?”
Maria had asked Cyrus to give her lessons in the martial arts from his hometown, and she would sneak off to attend these as soon as she had some free time. Since she was keeping the whole thing a secret, I could imagine that Dewey and the others must have been perplexed about where she was going so often, probably thinking that it was some kind of secret rendezvous.
“P-Progress…? W-Well, Maria’s smart, so she learns fast…”
Even now that he’d gotten closer to her, and could even survive spending time alone with her, he seemed to behave in much the same way as before. One time I took a peek to see how the lessons he was giving Maria were going, but I was disappointed to find out that he was just teaching her self-defense without using that perfect opportunity to do anything more than that. Even so, I was happy to know that they were chatting about other things, as Cyrus had just informed me.
“By the way, where is Maria working today?” I asked. Not everyone’s free days at the Ministry coincided, and Maria told me that she was going on a mission.
“Oh, she’s on a mission in another town close to the orphanage. If she finishes early, she promised that she would come by to say hello,” Cyrus explained.
“Really? That’d be wonderful!”
“Yes,” he agreed, surprisingly honest.
Whenever he was talking about Maria, Cyrus always looked happy. Seeing love as pure and intense as that made me think that maybe, after putting doom behind me, I wanted to give romance a shot too.
The carriage eventually reached the orphanage.
“Thank you for coming here again so soon. The children are very excited to see you,” Maggie, the director, greeted us at the entrance.
After carrying the vegetables, of which there weren’t many, inside the building, I started playing with the kids, just like last time. And, just like last time, Jeord and Keith were almost forced to help them with their homework.
It hadn’t been very long since the last time they saw me, so the children still remembered me and were happy to approach me. When I replied to their inquiries about “the cool big misters” (Alan and Nicol) by telling them that they weren’t there today, the children were clearly disappointed. I was only a little bit saddened by their reaction.
We played tag. After playing with them for so long last time, I’d gotten much better at catching them. Practice really makes perfect.
I wanted to talk to Liam, but like the other children his age, he was busy studying. I thought that I would go and look for him whenever the children that I was playing with took a break for snack time. However, while playing hide-and-seek, thanks to my perfect eyesight, I saw a kid walking by himself in the distance…and he was going toward the orphanage’s exit!
“Hey! Where are you going?!” I shouted, but instead of stopping, Liam started walking faster.
I started running, and upon noticing this, he started running too.
Think you can beat me? I’m an adult!
As it turned out, kids have a lot more energy than adults do. I got very close to catching him, but I didn’t manage to. I eventually tripped and fell down face-first with a sound so loud that I scared the birds off all the trees in the vicinity.
O-Ouch… Look at me, an adult, tripping like that… This is so embarrassing. I don’t want to get up…
But I had to get up, so I did. My face still stung. When I looked up, I saw Liam, staring at me with his mouth open in surprise. Well, I guess falling down was worth it after all. I quickly reached toward Liam and hugged him so that he couldn’t escape.
“I finally got you!” I crowed, unable to restrain my glee.
“What’s your problem?” he asked, looking annoyed as he tried to struggle free.
“I can’t just leave you alone like this!” I replied, and his expression grew even more annoyed.
“I don’t need the sympathy of a well-off girl!” he shouted at me. His little fists were shaking.
“Why are you trying to run away?”
“I already told you. It’s prissy and boring! I hate it!”
Hmm, no way. That’s not the tone of someone who hates something…
“Are you scared?” I asked.
He swayed wildly between my arms. Raphael was probably right.
“Are you scared,” I continued, “that if you found happiness at the orphanage, then you could suddenly lose it? Is that why you want to go away before getting to like it?”
The annoyance in his face changed to pain, and tears started flowing from his beautiful eyes.
“What would you know? What would you people know? You don’t know me! You can’t know how I feel! You people have always lived your boring, peaceful lives! You don’t know what it’s like to have your parents and brothers killed by bandits and have to live like an animal in the slums!”
An animal—that is what he sounded like. A hurt, dying animal crying for help. I could almost see his fur bristling on his body. Seeing him in so much pain made me sad for him, and I hugged him harder.
“Stop it! Leave me alone!” He struggled, but I didn’t let go.
“You’re right, I wouldn’t know. I’ve always lived here, in this peaceful place. I don’t know anything about violence and hardship…but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be on your side. Both me and all the people in the orphanage. We’re on your side, Liam. Even if we don’t know about your past, we can try to understand. If you just reach out your hand, we’ll take it.”
I paused and looked him straight in the eye.
“Don’t be scared. Just reach out to us,” I pleaded, and Liam started crying even harder. His tears told me that he wouldn’t try to run away anymore. It was as if all his strength had left him at once.
He’s just a kid, but he was trying so hard…
I kept hugging him, patting him on the head.
Raphael really is incredible. He immediately understood what Liam’s problem was, and also what I had to tell him to help. Oh, right. I have to tell him that…
“Liam, parting with the happiness that you’ve grown accustomed to is dreadful, but the memory of that happiness will give you the strength to fight through anything. So, I want you to be happy at the orphanage. I’m sure the happiness you can find here will make you stronger.”
Finally, Liam hugged me back. I stroked his back until he stopped crying, knowing that he had finally accepted what I had told him.
★★★★★
“Everything’s going to be fine, Liam.”
I still remember how my sister hugged me back then, trying to stop my shaking.
The bandits came into our little village during the night, barging inside our home. They killed everyone. Dad was killed trying to protect us, mom was killed trying to make us kids run away, and then my brother was killed while trying to save my sister and me.
She and I were hiding in a tiny old hut near the border of the village. I was hiding inside her arms.
The bandits had set almost the whole village on fire, and I was scared that the hut would burn too, or that they’d find us and kill us. I could do nothing but try to make myself as small as possible, ignoring all the screams and cries from outside.
I don’t know how much time passed, but it felt like forever. Eventually, the cries stopped, and everything went silent. The sun rose, and my sister and I slowly walked out into its light. There was no village anymore. There was only ash and black debris everywhere. Everyone was dead.
I held her hand as tightly as I could, and it felt cold. I looked up at her as she smiled, falling on her knees and then falling down to the ground. It was then that I saw the arrow stuck inside her shoulder. There was a lot of dried-up blood below the arrow. She must have been shot while we were running away, but she didn’t tell me so that I wouldn’t be scared.
“Sis!”
I called for her, but she only heaved painfully.
“Liam… Live…”
Those were her last words. She died, and it was as if everything went dark. I don’t remember what happened next. Maybe I ran away by myself, maybe someone brought me there… But after that I was an orphan living in the slums.
I had to rummage through the trash to find food, and sometimes an angry adult would beat me up just because he felt like it. My family had always been poor, but life with them seemed so sweet. I wanted to go back to those days.
One day, after being beaten up so badly that I threw up, I was sitting in the rain, thinking that I didn’t want to live anymore…but then I remembered my sister’s final request. I couldn’t die. I had to live.
I crawled and struggled, finding whatever food I could, trying my best to survive. After some time, I was kidnapped and thrown onto a ship that brought me to a place I didn’t know. In that tiny room, with all the other kidnapped children being kept with me, I thought that this time I was going to die for real.
Then, all of a sudden, a bunch of adults in nice clothes walked in, told us that everything would be all right, and brought us to a clean, beautiful building. They asked me a lot of questions. “What’s your name?” “Where were you born?” “Where are your parents?”
I’m Liam. I was born in a village in Ethenell. My parents were killed, and the rest of my family too. I was living by myself in the slums.
It felt like being surrounded by fog, but I answered them. They told me that I wasn’t in Ethenell anymore, but in a country called Sorcié, across the sea. Since I had no house or family to go back to, they brought me to some place called an “orphanage.” I didn’t know what kind of place it would be, but I hoped that nobody would try to kill me there.
This “orphanage” place looked nothing like I thought it would. “I’m Maggie, and I run this orphanage. Nice to meet you, Liam,” an old lady greeted me.
She looked like an old lady I knew back in my village. For some reason, when she offered me her hand, I got the chills. I didn’t shake it. She looked surprised and a bit concerned, but she didn’t get mad at me or hit me. She just smiled. I didn’t know why, but I was scared. I ran away from her.
After that, the other people at the orphanage would talk to me, or smile at me. Every single time, I felt a pain in my chest, and I ran away from them. As long as I stayed there, I had food to eat and a place to sleep. It was nothing like living in the slums; it was more like when I lived with my family.
But the more time I spent there, the more the memories of when the bandits attacked came back to me. I remembered how they killed my family. I remembered how my sister lay lifeless on the ground. The memories had never come back while I was in the slums, but here they kept hurting me. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I felt weird.
So I ran away from the orphanage. I wanted to go back to the slums. Even if I didn’t go back to Ethenell, they probably had slums in this country too. I thought I could go there and live like an animal, like I used to, so that the memories wouldn’t hurt me anymore. But I didn’t know the place well enough to get away, so I was found and brought back to the orphanage by some people who thought they were doing me a favor. Not just once. Twice.
I made up some excuses so that the director would leave me alone, and she believed me, thinking that I was probably just confused because of the new surroundings. I tried a third time, but I was brought back by some people who didn’t even work for the orphanage! That was the worst. I feared that I might not get another chance to run away, at least not easily.
They brought me to the director’s office, like the other two times. This time, however, there was a weird girl with us. She’d come to the orphanage to bring us vegetables or something, and she looked all clean and pretty, like someone from a totally different world than mine. That was enough to make me hate her.
Maggie asked me if I knew how many times I’d tried running away.
Of course I do. Just leave me alone.
She went on to tell me that everyone was worried about me. That made me feel weird. Then she asked me if I had some kind of trouble with this orphanage and wanted to go to another one…
She doesn’t get it. Nobody here gets it. They could never understand me.
“I can’t help you if you don’t help me, Liam.”
You can’t help me anyway, I thought, but I didn’t say anything.
And then, that weird girl spoke.
“Do you want to go back to your country?” she asked. I was surprised. This had been the closest that anyone had ever gotten to understanding.
I glared at her, but she didn’t seem to care. She just stared back at me.
“Is that so, Liam?” Maggie asked me. “But what are you going to do there? Here you are safe, you have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a roof over your head.”
I know that, but…
“I hate this prissy, boring country. It makes me sick,” I exploded. I told her what I’d kept inside me for so long.
I want to go back to the slums! I want to go back to living like an animal!
She tried to reason with me, but I didn’t listen to anything she said.
I want to go back. I will! I have to!
“Can’t you just let him go then?” I heard someone say. It was that weird girl, who was looking at me again.
The orphanage employee who was with us started yelling, but I was just looking at the girl.
“Just let him go back to his country,” she continued.
But she just stopped me from running away… Now she wants to help me?
“But he’d need to prepare himself first… Here you can learn a lot of things that you couldn’t learn in the slums,” she told me, moving closer. Her eyes were clear and blue.
“One of my friends is from the Ethenell slums, you know.”
The Ethenell slums? But that’s where I used to live…
“And my friend, he told me that this knowledge is what helped him survive. You see, Liam, knowledge is a weapon that you can’t do without.”
A weapon? Wouldn’t that be like a sword, or something else that you can use to hit people?
“Yes. He told me that on a battlefield you need a sword or a spear, but that in daily life you need knowledge. Sounds cool, doesn’t it?” she told me, smiling.
I’d never thought of it like that. Knowledge could help me survive, and I needed to survive. So, even though being here made me hurt so much, I had to stick it out and learn as much as I could. Before then, the only thing that I thought of was going back to the slums. Now, for the first time, I was starting to doubt myself.
I tried doing as that girl said and studying. I was put in the same class as the smallest kids, since I didn’t know how to read. Studying was interesting, and I actually liked it. And when they saw me studying, the teachers told me that I was being a very good boy. Everyone was so warm, so kind…just like back in the village.
A few days later, when we didn’t have any classes, we were told that some guests would be coming to the orphanage to help us with homework. I took my textbook and started walking toward the classroom. All of a sudden, I heard a loud crash. One of the orphanage employees had dropped a vase on the floor while cleaning, and it had broken.
“Ugh… It’s in pieces, and… Ouch… I even cut my hand,” she groaned. I saw the blood flowing from one of her fingers.
The memory of my sister’s bloody shoulder resurfaced. Just a few hours before that I had been having dinner with my family—I had been having fun. My brother even gave my sister and me some of his share, even though it wasn’t much to begin with. We were poor, but we enjoyed talking to each other about our days and then going to sleep, ready to give our best the next morning. But it only took a moment for all of that to end.
Before I knew it, I was running away from the orphanage again. I didn’t even know where I wanted to go. I just wanted to run. And then, that weird girl from before called out to me. I didn’t understand why she was there, but I had no time to think. I didn’t want her to catch me, so I ran as fast as I could. I put one foot in front of the other, trying to get as far away as possible. I heard a huge noise behind me. It surprised me so much that I had to look back, and I saw that girl laying facedown on the ground.
What is going on?
I was so confused that I couldn’t think of running away anymore. I just stared at the weird girl. Then, out of the blue, she got up and caught me between her arms. She had a scary grin on her face. I didn’t get it. Why was she always sticking her nose into my business, talking about knowledge and stuff? I tried to get away from her, but she wouldn’t let me go. She was a weird girl, but she was wearing good clothes and she looked pretty. She must have been rich or something.
She asked me why I ran away, and I told her what I told Maggie. It’s true. I hate this place… It makes me feel weird.
“Are you scared?”
Scared?
Those words pierced through me and hit me straight in my heart.
Am I…scared?
I’d never thought about it…but it sounded right.
“Are you scared that if you found happiness at the orphanage, then you could suddenly lose it? Is that why you want to go away before getting to like it?”
Losing my happiness was scary. I finally realized what that weird feeling was. Fear. All I had was stolen from me in the blink of an eye, and I couldn’t do anything. Even if I managed to find happiness here, that could happen again.
So this is why I felt this way… But she wouldn’t know. None of them would know.
I shouted at the girl with all the force I had in me. She didn’t know how it felt to lose what I had lost, to live through what I had lived through.
You have never lost anything in your life!
That was the last resistance I could put up. I risked finding happiness in this place where nobody understood me, and that was scary. That was sad. I couldn’t think straight anymore. The girl was holding onto me even stronger now.
“You’re right, I wouldn’t know. I’ve always lived here, in this peaceful place. I don’t know anything about violence and hardship…”
That’s right! You don’t! So leave me alone!
“But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be on your side. Both me and all the people in the orphanage. We’re on your side, Liam. Even if we don’t know about your past, we can try to understand. If you just reach out your hand, we’ll take it.”
Try to understand? Be on my side? Take my hand? Her words kept swirling around in my head. She looked straight at me with her clear blue eyes.
I was so scared of losing what I had that I ran away from everyone who tried to take my hand and help me out. Those hands that reached out to me, kind and warm like none had ever been in the slums. I was too scared to take them…but I wanted to. I wanted someone to hold me like my family used to.
I was so scared.
I felt something snap inside of me, and I started crying. I wasn’t so sure, but maybe, the day that my family was killed, I hadn’t cried. I had never cried since then. I was too busy finding out what I had to do. But now, years later, I could let myself go in this girl’s warm hug. I didn’t have to worry so much just to survive anymore. Now I could cry.
“I’m sure the happiness you can find here will make you stronger.”
She’s right. The happy memories with my family were what kept me going in the slums.
I hugged her, and she started stroking my back, kindly, just like my sister had done years ago.